pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
