The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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