it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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