Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
