idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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