About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
