just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
