I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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