Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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