Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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