Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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