Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
