You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
dude. I can hear the air.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
