Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
