I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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