I think I won the penis lottery.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
