He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Come share oat with me in your robe
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