i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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