What did we do last night that was yellow?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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