haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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