The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
