He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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