You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Someone shattered a urinal.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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