her vagine was all disorganized.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
