Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
