My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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