my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
