The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
