Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
