I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
