Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
