Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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