this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
