I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
