All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
