Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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