I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
