guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
