Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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