he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
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Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
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you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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