im about as happy as oj after his trial
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize