Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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