"it" just moved
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
