first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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