dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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