Dude my mom stole all your condoms
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
