Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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