hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
