Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
