Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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