Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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