just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
