I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
