I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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