I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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