dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
