A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My feet surprised me
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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