so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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