Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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