On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
