Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
