Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
