just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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