dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
