Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
