Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
