I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
