this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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