I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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