How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
