Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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