I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
