your room smells of hookers.
And success
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So many bounce houses so little time
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
