So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
