I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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